Can’t Buy Love? Indonesia Thinks Foreign Men Should

Jakarta Globe, June 01, 2010

Foreign men wishing to wed Indonesian Muslim women are required to put a guarantee of 500 million rupiah (55,000 dollars) into a bank. (Photo Reuters)

Alarm bells not wedding bells are ringing over Indonesian proposals to demand a 55,000-dollar “security guarantee” from foreign men who marry Indonesian women.

Enraged brides-to-be are threatening to flee the country and marry their boyfriends abroad if the government approves the plan, which is part of a wider marriage law reform being pushed by Muslim conservatives and befuddled foreign grooms are asking why they are being targeted when stories of foreign men being exploited by gold-digging women are rife in the Southeast Asian country.

The proposal requires foreign men wishing to wed Muslim women -- it will not apply to Christians or Buddhists or Hindus -- to put a guarantee of 500 million rupiah (55,000 dollars) into a bank. If the couple divorce, the wife will be entitled to take the money. If they

stick together for at least 10 years, they can claim it as “shared property”.

“The provision... is intended to protect the rights of women and their children if their husbands neglect, fail to provide for, leave Indonesia secretly... divorce or do anything which harms their interests,” the bill says.

Love-struck couples are outraged.

“How ridiculous... the government wants to sell me off,” sniffed 36-year-old events organizer Roslina, who is planning to tie the knot with her German boyfriend, Christopher, in September.

“My future husband will pay the amount but that’s not the point. We’ll definitely marry abroad if this becomes law.”

A 24-year-old model who declined to be named said she and her boyfriend, also from Germany, were being unfairly discriminated against.

“It looks like the government has no respect for Indonesian women. It’s crazy to penalize only foreign men. Why not charge local men who marry three or four wives but can’t afford it?” she said.

Her 39-year-old boyfriend, a banker who declined to give his name, said,“It’s a clear statement by the government that it owns its people and it sells them on the meat market.”

The proposal, spearheaded by the religious affairs ministry, will be sent to parliament for approval by the end of the year, an official said.

The guarantee is designed to stop foreigners entering fake marriages in order to set up businesses or buy property in their wives’ names, and to ensure that women are financially secured against divorce, ministry official Nasaruddin Umar said.

“When the women are no longer of use, it’s usually goodbye to them,” he added without providing figures or research to back up his statement.

“Marriage is pure and sacred, it shouldn’t be tainted by lust or personal interests. We want to protect our women.”

The plan has drawn mixed responses from the country’s clerics, women’s groups and lawmakers.

Clerics in the world’s most populous Muslim-majority country have thrown their weight behind the draft bill.

Critics say it will only encourage people to “live in sin” outside of wedlock, leaving women more vulnerable.

“I applaud this proposal. We’ve heard many cases of foreigners marrying our women and then deserting them and their kids with nothing,” Indonesian Council of Ulema chairman Amidhan told AFP.

But lawmaker Iskan Qolba Lubis said: “People want to marry because they’re in love so why are we making things difficult for them? It’s also discriminatory. We wouldn’t be happy if other countries did the same to us.”

Nia Schumacher of Melati Worldwide, a group which lobbies for the interests of people in mixed marriages, said the proposal would lead to an exodus of “runaway brides”.

“Or the couples may not register their marriages or skip marriage altogether and co-habit instead. Is that what the government wants?” she asked.

Some women’s rights activists say the plan treats women like a commodity and discriminates against foreign men.

“We clearly reject the proposal. It lowers the dignity of women and not all foreign men have that much money,” Association of Indonesian Women in Multinational Marriages (Srikandi) co-chairwoman Emmylia Hannig said.

“If the basis of the law is to protect women, it should apply to both foreign and local men. There are many cases of local men having several wives and ditching them without giving money,” she added.

Roslina said the bill was ruining romances as foreign men walked away from promises.

“My friend has lost a potential husband. She and her French boyfriend had been dating for four years and were planning to get married. But I heard the wedding has been postponed indefinitely,” she said.

“The man said he’s scared to get married because it’s unfair that he needs to pay.”

Agence-France Presse

President acts as witness in the wedding of Bakrie's son

The Jakarta Post, Jakarta, Thu, 04/01/2010 3:53 PM

President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono acted as a witness in the wedding contract of Golkar chairman Aburizal Bakrie's son, Anindra Ardiansyah Bakrie and Prianti Nur Ramadhania on Thursday.

The President became the witness for the groom, while the witness for the bride was Alwi Abdulrahman Shihab, who is also the former foreign minister during the Abdurrahman "Gus Dur" Wahid presidential era.

During the wedding contract ceremony, Ardi Bakrie handed over a bride price in the form of a prayer set and a cash of Rp 2015, according to the tempointeraktif.com news portal.

The President arrived at the ceremony together with First Lady Ani Yudhoyono, who wore green Javanese traditional blouse.

Vice President Boediono was also present at the ceremony.

Other politicians attending the ceremony included, among others, Akbar Tandjung, Agung Laksono, Anas Urbaningrum, Ginanjar Kartasasmita and Priyo Budi Santoso.

Singer Memes, left, and husband Addie MS have said that the Bakrie wedding was not as lavish as some have said.

Related Articles:

Memes Calls Bakrie Wedding Reception ‘Modest’

Bakrie Jnr to Honeymoon in Africa to Watch World Cup

Big, Fat Weddings, Indonesian Style

Jakarta Globe, Ade Mardiyati, January 24, 2010

Wedding organizers in Indonesia can handle everything from finding an event hall for to ceremony, to paying vendors, to mediating disputes between the in-laws to be. (Photo Courtesy of Manten Party)

If you want to start a lucrative business, consider becoming a wedding organizer.

Indonesians often spend a fortune on weddings and invite thousands of guests. A wedding is an indicator of one’s social status, and what is considered small usually has about 500 people in attendance. The more money a couple — or their families — have, the more people they invite.

Back in 2003, Fenny Palijama was a housewife who was bored with staying at home. Today, she manages Kenisha, a flourishing wedding organizing business that she built with her friend Lita Erlan.

“Having been a career woman all my life before I had a child, I got stressed out doing nothing at home,” said Fenny, who used to work at a law firm.

“My friends often asked me to help them plan and organize their weddings. I thought, ‘Why not turn this into a serious business? I work, but not at a nine-to-five job, so I can still be at home, too.”

Fenny said she and Lita initially set a goal of a minimum of 12 weddings a year.

“We increased [the target] gradually, from 12 to 24. Then it became 30,” she said. “This year, we are planning to handle at least 40 weddings.

“This is a very good business. We have always managed to meet our annual target,” the 33-year-old mother of two said.

Traditionally, a wedding is held at the bride’s home, with a tent set up outside to receive the guests. A small group of relatives tasked with helping out the bride’s family comprise the wedding “committee.” Guests come and go and the celebration can last the whole day, from morning to evening.

If the bride’s house is small and cannot accommodate the hundreds, even thousands of guests, renting a function hall or a hotel’s ballroom is an option. Some couples prefer this because it is more practical. To rent a function hall for a wedding in Jakarta, one typically needs to shell out about Rp 27.5 million ($2,790).

Reserving the venue is only the first step before the big day. Planning a wedding entails a lot of hard work and can take up to a year, even longer. Among the plethora of details that must be covered are the invitations, decorations, food and drinks, photography, wedding gowns and suits. This is where a wedding organizer can come to the rescue.

“Many people, especially those who work, don’t have much time to handle everything for their wedding. They need help,” said Arif Rachman from Manten Party, with manten translating to bride and groom in Javanese.

“Clients are free to choose vendors, but we also provide them with some choices if they wish,” said Tommy, who also works at Manten.

Wedding organizers are also there to bridge communication between the families involved.

“We have had clients, couples, who could not stand their big families,” Tommy said. “Every one in the family wants to be heard when they have ideas. And this often leads to a family feud.”

Arif said that when such a dispute occurs, a wedding organizer is a third-party, independent body.

“We have to be neutral and not side with any of the family members,” he said.

Television star Rina Gunawan, who owns a wedding organizing business named after her, echoed the same sentiment.

“When we are organizing a wedding, the clients’ families often treat us like we are family members,” the 35-year-old said. “[But while] that is nice, I always tell my kids [her employees] to stay in the middle and not side with any of the families.”

The job of a wedding organizer may also include taking care of payments to vendors.

“Rather than having to deal with several vendors and transfer money to different accounts, clients choose us to help them take care of things like that,” Arif said.

Rina described wedding organizers as mediators. “We connect our clients with their families and with vendors,” she said.

The cost of hiring a wedding organizer varies, depending on the services required.

“Our service costs between Rp 14 million to Rp 30 million,” Fenny of Kenisha said. “It depends on whether they want us to handle everything, from finding the vendors for them, to negotiating prices. We call this the A to Z package.”

Manten Party charges between Rp 20 million and Rp 25 million, according to Arif.

“Aside from going to vendors, we can also help in handling documents at the embassy if it is a cross-cultural marriage between an Indonesian and a foreigner,” he said.

While not divulging figures for services that her company provides, Rina said a standard minimum budget that her clients prepare for the wedding, inclusive of organizer fees, is about Rp 300 million.

“Very often, clients come to us and say ‘OK, this is all I have. Please help us organize a beautiful wedding with this budget,’ ” she said.

“But then again, the cost of a wedding depends on many things, including the number of people invited, the catering company they choose, the venue, and so on.”

Having been in the business for nearly 10 years, Rina said her company has handled some truly extravagant weddings.

“A local official in Kalimantan held a wedding party for his daughter. He wanted everyone in the region to come, so it turned out that there were 20,000 people invited,” Rina said.

“They had their own hundreds of people to help make the party run smoothly. But still, everything was under our control as the wedding organizer.”

Rina’s company is currently handling the wedding of the son of one of the country’s top businessmen. “There will be 14,000 guests at the wedding,” she said. Surprisingly, despite the sometimes large number of guests invited, a wedding organizing company is made up of only a few fulltime staff. Rina Gunawan Wedding Organizer has eight, Manten Party has six and Kenisha has four.

“Most wedding organizers hire freelancers, and we do, too,” Rina said. “The bigger the wedding is, the more freelancers we hire.”

What makes organizing a wedding tough? The three companies are unanimous in pointing out that the difficulty lies with the couples’ families.

“It is often the families that give us a hard time,” Rina said.

“Sometimes, the bride’s family argues with the groom’s family over things. But I can understand that. These are two different families about to become one big family and they all want the wedding to be perfect.”

Family members complain when they are not satisfied. “Often, the clients are happy. But people in the family are not and think we are not doing our job well,” Fenny said.

“There were times when I or members of my team cried after being yelled at by a few people who were not happy,” Rina said.

“I always tell my kids that if that happens, they should find a bathroom and cry there. But once they are out of the bathroom, they have to be able to smile again. We sell services here. We have to make our clients happy.”

Dewi Sartika Sari, who works for Rina, recalled an incident when the families of one of their clients argued over the traditional dance to be performed during the ceremony. The bride’s parents were Acehnese, while the groom was from West Sumatra.

The groom’s family insisted that the wedding should include a number of traditional dances from West Sumatra. But because the bride’s family was against the idea and were paying for the wedding, they made the family wear Acehnese clothing.

But there is also a certain satisfaction to be derived from all the planning and the hard work and it’s not all financial.

“When you see that your clients are satisfied with the work you’ve done, you know that it’s not just about money,” Arif said.

“I feel so happy when, after all the guests leave, the clients come and shake our hand and say ‘Thank you so much.’

“That’s when I know I have achieved something.”

A Dream Venue For Javanese Weddings

The Jakarta Globe, Sylviana Hamdani

The spacious room at the venue, where wedding ceremonies usually take place. (JG Photo)

A wedding can be one of the most complicated events that you will ever have to organize. In Javanese tradition, the big day is a major cause of celebration for both extended families and their neighbors.

“Once in a lifetime” becomes a catchphrase for many future brides and bridegrooms, as they make meticulous arrangements for their wedding day. But the pressure for everything to be perfect can sometimes take away from the newlyweds’ enjoyment of the big day.

Roemah 7a is a wedding venue run by a young couple, Anthon Novianto and Dewi Syarah, who have anticipated this problem by providing a list of wedding organizers, photographers, caterers and decorators.

“Before, the bride- and the groom-to-be would come to us, looking lost about how they should organize their special day,” Dewi said. “Now, they can simply choose from our list of vendors.”

Located in a leafy residential area, Roemah 7a is designed like the home of a traditional Javanese noble family. A magnificent Joglo (traditional wooden Javanese house) stands by the terrace between a pair of stone gupala (mythical creatures that guard the entry of a house) on each side. A delman (traditional horse carriage) stands on the corner of the front lawn, accompanied by a pair of old cars, a three-wheeled Reliant Regal MK1 from 1953 and a Mazda R 360 from 1960.

The parking lot in front of the house can accommodate up to 40 cars. “For large weddings, we usually rent the vacant lot next door for the guests’ cars,” Dewi explained. In total, the venue can accommodate up to 600 people.

In the foyer stands a magnificent teak table topped with Italian marble, adorned with a fresh flower arrangement and old kerosene lamps.

The room also features a collection of old projectors for 8 millimeter, 16 millimeter and 35 millimeter films. “My dad used to play movies for my birthdays with these projectors when I was a little boy,” Anthon said.

On the right side of the foyer stand floor-to-ceiling cupboards featuring Anthon’s collections of Indonesian vintage comic books from the 1950s. Among his collections are “Si Buta dari Gua Hantu” (“The Blind Man from the Haunted Cave”), by Ganes T H, and “Jaka Sembung,” by Djair. The prize of his collection is the original manuscripts for a Medan comic book.

The dining room boasts of a long dining table made entirely of teak. An antique crystal chandelier casts a romantic yellowish light over the room. On a side table is a vintage Victrola phonograph from the 1920s, which Anthon said he “bought from an old man in Japan.”

One side of the wall features a brightly-colored 1950’s enamel signboard for Prijaji cigarettes, featuring a noble Javanese man smoking a cigarette, while the other side of the wall is decorated with dada peksi (long intricately-carved wooden beams often used for hanging crystal chandeliers).

“I salvaged them from ruined Joglo houses in Central Java,” Anthon said.

Wedding ceremonies usually take place in the spacious room at the back of the house. Adorned with an intricate teak panel from Demak, Central Java, and antique hand-crafted Javanese doors with a Loro Blonyo (a Javanese sculpture of a couple) standing in front of them, the room possesses a sacred and solemn ambience.

The homeowner’s collection of traditional weapons, such as kris, daggers and javelins from around the country, is also displayed in this room.

“In this room, the couples usually perform temu [a Javanese ceremony in which the bridegroom and his family meet with the bride and her family], ijab kabul [the marriage ceremony] and sungkeman [where the bride and the bridegroom ask both sets of parents for their blessings at the end of the wedding],” Dewi said.

On one of the walls is a wide teak carving depicting an episode in the Ramayana, an ancient Hindu epic.

Two bedrooms are also provided as dressing rooms for the bride and her bridesmaids. The larger one features Anthon’s collection of handmade Japanese dolls in glass boxes. The smaller one features an intricately hand-crafted daybed from Madura Island, East Java.

“The Chinese influence show in the dragon and phoenix-like patterns on the carvings,” Anthon said.

The room also boasts art deco furniture from the 1920s and jengki furniture from the 1950s.

Wedding receptions usually take place outdoors in the leafy backyard, which boasts bamboo shoots, a giant rambutan tree, frangipanis and a large traveller’s palm tree. A Joglo gazebo from Kudus, Central Java, functions as the center stage where the bride and groom are seated for the reception.

A tandem bicycle from the Netherlands and a pair of becaks (tricycle rickshaws) stand by lagoon pools, as if promising to take the newlyweds safely through their life journey together.

“The becaks are male and female,” Anthon said. Brought from Solo, Central Java, the steps of the becak wadon (female becak) is slightly lower than the becak lanang (male becak) to accommodate women wearing a traditional jarik (tight wraparound batik cloth).

“At Roemah 7a, we provide a unique ambience for your wedding,” Dewi said. “One that is homey and intimate, as well as rich in tradition and history.”

Roemah 7a
Jalan Lebak Bulus 1 no. 7A
Cilandak, South Jakarta
Tel. 021 751 2332